Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Rock Superstar

Dear aunty Sam,

I would like to become the world's most famous and celebrated rockstar. How do I go about achieving this?

Yours sincerely,

Sam ( AKA Rainhat )



Thanks for your letter.

How does one become a celebrated rockstar?

I've often asked myself that same question. Wouldn't it be great to live the rock star lifestyle: Play like a demon even when you're high on smack, write lyrics all day long that people will love and sing to for generations, and then there's the touring, the good times and then the women....oh how there will be women, and you never know, some music channel may even consider you for a reality tv series where you get to a live in a house for a few weeks with a whole lot of horny women, and then you have the hard job of deciding which one is the best (after sleeping with all of them of course).

But back to achieving this goal, it is a must for all good memorable rock musicians have one thing in common ( aside from all passing away at age 27 ). They stick to the basics, write a catchy tune that all the kids can not only relate to, but find it easy enough to sing along to, and then in amongst the lyrics, write something in there that will get the listener thinking "what does he REALLY mean by that".

The next step is to get your song out there - Internet is a good start, make your own youtube video and go viral. Or do it the old fashioned way and post a copy to all radio stations and recording studios attached to a bottle of Jack Daniels and hope to hear back from someone - hopefully someone who's drunk enough to talk figures.

The next step after that is to develop your signature, on tour is the best place to start rumours, how about firing raw meat into the crowd or have a rumour started that you bit the head off a lettuce.

Continuing on, they next step is to tour some more while writing a much more controversial follow up album and following all the previous steps.And finally - in order to become well known and memorable, you either have to go soft and save the kids in Africa, or you die in your prime of some unexpected death.

Failing that you could always get really good at guitar hero and enter some gaming competition...

Good luck on your road to becoming a Rock Legend!

All the best

Aunty Sam


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Don't forget that you also need to date someone that is someone. Namely one of the Olsen twins, Hannah Montana of some other "someone" like that. You also need a respectable blogger to talk about you a lot, you know, like Perez Hilton. Don't forget to "forget" wearing under-pants and get the picture of your butt-crack taken by TMZ.

    Sorry for the previous deletion, there is no edit button. ;)

  3. Hi Deray - Thanks for your comments, I can believe I missed these vital element :)

  4. I say Fuck a lot of girls. Pay a girl to scream at the top of her lungs when she sees you and soon, other girls will join in. Also, refrain from washing your hair, clothes and body. The greasier the better.

    Good Luck and when you make it, write a fucking song about Lolita Vida =D

  5. Just create a great song like SWEET CHILD O' MINE and bring a good performance like good looking and high-skilled band players. No need to do Demonic action

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