Leggy

Dear Aunty Sam...

I have a growing growth on my leg. It is black, gooey, and sometimes moves on it's own.Do you think duct tape would work better than the baking soda I'm currently using to try and get rid of it? Or should I just cut it off?What do I do if it starts talking?

Thanks,

Leggy in New England.

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Dear Leggy,

Gross!

have you alerted the border security and military forces yet?In all seriousness though I would have it looked at by a doctor. Failing that do a bit of DIY and try burning it off with dry ice.If it starts talking I suggest you go out and rent the movie brain damage its about a little talking worm that latches on to the back of its host and gives him LSD trips in exchange for the host bringing it victims home so that it can eat their brains. Cant remember how it ends but it could be of some help to you: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094793/

Best regards

Aunty Sam