Sunday, June 21, 2009

Lady of the night


Dear Aunty Sam,


I have this weird rash. It showed up after I had relations with a lady of the evening. I can't go to the doctor. And I can't find previously mentioned lady of the evening. What should I do?


Sincerely,

Anonymous


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Dear Anonymous


Was she any good? Is she worth finding?


Is she any relation to "leggy in New England", whereby I can suggest you research morgellons disease http://www.morgellons-disease-research.com/, , on that note is there anything you two may like to confess before I continue?


Right then


Are you sure its a rash? I'm assuming lipstick remover isn't going to fix anything?You know, back in the olden days a good cure for a rash would be the removal of the infectious bacteria via vigorous scrubbing with a wire brush or pot scourer, however I'm assuming that this method may cause you some discomfort so as far as the rash goes the best thing for it is to lather up in lanolin oil - the stuff that you get from sheep's wool. I'll leave that to your own interpretation but I am in no way suggesting you go and steal Welsh mans date.

As far as finding the "lady of the evening" you may want to do a little undercover work, even if it means mucking in and doing a few jobs yourself and working out the area and local haunts. You never know you may have some customers who may even recognize the rash that can point you in the right direction.


Best Regards

Aunty Sam

2 comments:

  1. OMG I am loving this!Naughty and funny.

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  2. Hi celticmusicfan thanks for the feedback - feel free to submit your own letter if you feel like you need advice.

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